no i wont give up.

Hey friends (: i feel like im posting alot this month... which i totally love. this week has been going awesome. as i sit here i just look on the past few weeks i am just in complete awe of the huge things the Lord is doing.  you know in previous posts ive been having little pitty parties for myself about how this year hasnt been going like i had plan. and to be honest i am so thankful it isnt going as planned because honestly how boring would it be if life was exactly as we thought it would be? i am also so thankful the Lord has such a bigger plan than my own and His always seems to prevail over mine. lols.

well right now i am in a great place. i love the place i am with the Lord its one of those rare moments that everything is going so good and you just really get it, you know what im sayin? you can just see Him working so evidently in your life and others. and i love that. i look back on previous blog entries and in my journal and i see where i was, i still feel a little pinch of the pain that i felt deep in my heart but now looking back i just get to see how the Lord held me in His hands and just carried me through those times. and i honestly just love that. i have been praying and praying for blacksburg high school and the kids in it, the upper and lower classmen, my friends. and i got to a point where i was just like common Lord! these kids need you so badly. they need you Lord. and it breaks my heart to just see these kids hurting. it breaks my heart to just see them walking into things that arent going to work. i just want them to know Jesus. i just want them to know how much they are loved. so i continue to pray. i wont give up on this school. i wont give up because times like these where i see how much the Lord has been working and i have been so blind to it. it gives me so much hope. it gives me so much strength because i know the Lords plans are so much bigger than mine. His time is so much better than mine. i know that i am here for a reason and right now and i am blind to it  but the Lord will guide me through this.

we are all going through seasons in life. right now it might be crappy. it might be awesome or it might just be plain and boring. but through these season i just encourage you to depend on the Lord through all of it. just lean on him through the rough times, the great times, the normal times. pray for your friends, your co workers, your family. dont give up. even though sometimes i know it feels like its not working. i promise you the Lord is working. all the time. and when you finally get to see that all your praying paid off it will be so worth it. it will be such a gift to you from the Lord.


dont give up. dont give in. keep fighting for your friends, and family. keep showing up and loving them. because the Lord is proabably using you in huge ways and you dont even know it.

sweet sweet Porth family

im home from iowa!! so if you were planning on breaking into the house.... too late. just kitten wit yew rite meow (:  also i braided my hair yesterday while it was still wet and i took it out last night and it just looked so pretty and i was super bummed when i woke up this morning thinking it would still be a mess but IT LOOKS THE SAME!!!! yeyeeee, i just really love that when that happens hahahahaha. #longhairdontcare

These past few days have been amazing. It started out kind of frusterating because we got our flight cancelled and all but that ended up going great. and then we just headed out the next day. We got there way past my bedtime and i am so lucky i was still energized to just keep my eyes open lols. but it was just a quick hello and embrace for a few min and then we headed off to my cousin Lindsie's  first new house!! (: Lindsie has this amazing gift of hospitality. From the moment we got there she served us in every way she could in such an indirect way. She loves her family so much and you can just see that in all her actions. Recently she just got married to an amazing guy that brings a smile to her face every time his name comes up. So getting to see her in such a great place is so awesome and just kind of warms your heart you know? (: i am just so happy she found such a great guy because she deserves it. (i cannot wait to get married one day #ahjeez #ijustlovefairytales #therealkind)

So while i was there i was telling everyone i normally dont sleep in and i was like oh i will just wake up early do my quiet time and then get on with my day like usual.... WELL OF COURSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED! i slept in everyday! okay seriously i normally wake up at 7:30, it was the weirdest thing ever. but after waking up every morning we all headed to my aunt and uncles house that is about a fourth of a mile down the road in our pjs for coffee and breakfast. okay this whole trip was my favorite but one of my extra favorite times was breakfast when we all were just together talking and drinking coffee (cept i drank water im not much of a coffee drinker lols) i loved this time and i wish that we had the time to do this every single day not with just our family but our friends. Just hanging out in our pjs and talking about life. I think so many times our conversations consists of long text messages, facebook chats, and just surfacy talk. I want to have conversations that matter. Face to face enjoying each others company, no more of the cyber chat. I would love to live in an age when people still write letters, the internet still had google plus and skype, but no text messaging, also cell phones would just be the old flip phones no internet. ah its just every once in a while i get a glimpse of that and that was in these past few days i got to see that. Of course we all had our electronics but it wasnt the main focus. and i loved that.

(some of you probably reading this are like what the hawk hailey you def text all the time and use the internet. and ill admit i am one of those pople with the long text messages and surfacy conversation on faccebook. i just wish it didnt have to be like that. you know?)

thanksgiving was amazing the food was awesome and family was great. i keep trying to put it into words but i cant. the emmense amount of love, and sense of unity as a family was undescribeable. i hope each and every one of you had an amazing thanksgiving. and got to spend quality time with the people that mean the most to you. i hope you found rest in the Lord and just saw his mighty power working through your family. As we go back to school, college, work, anything lets not forget that this season of thanksgiving and family doesnt just have to be when we take off for holiday breaks, but it can be every single day.

ill load some pics and stuff later (:  and if you want to watch two great movies i saw this week A. the green mile (super intense) and b. something borrowed (total chick flick)

also one last thing (: (: (: (: yesterday i found out my best friend Becca got engaged!!!!!! i am so so so pumped for her and i am so excited to walk through this season with her as she prepares for a wedding. lots of prayers go out to her in isaac as they start this new adventure in life. i am so excited for them!!!!
(you can follow isaacs blog here.)

#happythanksgiving!

Hey everyone! As of right now im sitting in the airport about to go to IOWA!!! wohooo!! #sopumped #cantwait we actually were supposed to head out yesterday but since we are flying out of roanoke who knows what time we will actually get out of here.... I have lived in blacksburg for 7 years now and have never gotten out on a flight in roanoke airport on time #justmyluck but as of right now we are waiting for our plane which is in route! #goteam My mom also had us here at 3:30.... our plane doesnt arrive till 6. Weve been here for a while. lolololololol but since my flight got cancelled i had a nice day on the town and got to spend some time with some great friends. mad shout out to kenley! we went to panera for lunch... if you havent been to panera recently you need to go because they now serve a "big kid" mac and cheese... ya'll its amazing. but it was so sweet to just spend time with her and just catch up after a crazy weekend at rockbridge. (:

but i hope everyone is preparing to eat there faces off for Thanksgiving! and get pumped for black friday #imscared but anyways a few things i wanted to share with you guys this thanksgiving dont forget to look around the table and be thankful for whos sitting around you. one thing that happens to me is a get so caught up in the food of thanksgiving and forget to be thankful for all the things i am blessed with. Esp. my family, and my friends. this year i want to get caught up in the moment of who i am surrounded by. I want to get a glimpse of how blessed i am. I want time to slow down a little so i can enjoy the moment and not be preparing for the next. you know? 

another thing i wanted to say thank you to ya'll reading this. I am so blessed to have people supporting me as i share my heart about where i am. Alot of times i feel like im doing more complaining then anything and alot more times i think that my writing doesnt even makes sense. Thank you so much for the emails, the texts, the comments, and just coming up to me and telling me how much this blog is helping you. it is seriously so encouraging and i hope the blog is doing the same for you. i am so thankful for each and every one of you. not only do i have this incredible family sitting around me right now at this roanoke airport, but i have you. I have these incredble people walkng through life with me and supporting me and i am so blessed. ya'll are very special to me and to the Lord. I am so thankful to be walking through this with you.

Love you guys, Happy thanksgiving (:
I'll post after i get home from iowa, #putthecellphonesandcomputersaway #butseriously #spendtimewiththefam #youhaveeverydayforyourcellphones #afewdayswiththepeoplethatmeanthemost

#MYFLIGHTSHERE #GOTIME #SOHYPED

(i have this strange obbsession with hash tags #sorrynotsorry)

found the webcam #obbsessed

 

 

gennas reading a book #firsttimeever

 

hahahahahahaha

 

 

does it look like im raising my eyebrow?

 



eye of the tiger

well i made it! and as of right now i dont feel sick, i have lost my voice a little but that is totes okay with me. i have never came home from fall weekend without coming down with some cold, sinus infection, and last year the flu. I feel like its because im a girl that loves to just go go go go go until i cant go no more, and at rockbridge i am extremely good at running myself down because i just LOVE IT THERE, and basically i just want to do everything. lol (: but im home and had an incredible weekend. i love camp so much. I love watching kids hear about Jesus for the first time i love how kids just get to be themselves and be loved reguardless. I love seeing the walls break down and they finally see what is real in life. I love seeing the transformation of a heart go from death to life. Another thing that i love is just anticipating what the Lord is going to do. One thing i have noticed about younglife camp is it never goes as what i planned it was going to be in my head. Which i am so glad because the Lord just catches me by suprise everytime and it is seriously just the best.

this weekend i got to spend with my dear friends of mine. we werent in a cabin like usual because there were SO many kids there. so by my suprise we actually stayed in the lobby of my work crew cabin! Becca and Sam being the best made this fort/tent thing in the middle of the lobby and that was our cabin along with megabed one of my favorite things in the whole world. (megabed; noun, where you put all the beds together and you just sleep together on one huge gigantic bed. garunteed to provide the most fun for sleepovers, and younglife camps.) But seriously though, and we also shared the showers with the other girls from our school who had a total of two showers for 25 girls, needless to say i didnt shower all weekend and it was awesome. im doing this no shave november thing.... well trying, no shave november is just too darn easy for me and so i was like oh, hailey how about you do shave november.... i am so dumb, that lasted about one shower and i only shaved on leg. hahahahahah but anyways sorry thisback to this weekend, did i say is was so much fun? (:

This is my last fall weekend as a camper and i am so ready for college. Being a leader is basically my dream. literally though, i cannot wait to become a leader. I think about it all the time. I cannot wait to just love on girls from a different school, and just walking through life with them. I cannot wait to share with them the greatest love story ever told. and also a bonus just getting to hang out with them and do fun girl stuff. But loving the Lord while being a high school student is really really awesome. because the truth is i already get to do all of that but unlike leaders i get to be with these kids 5 days a week for 8 hours. so i really get to see these kids all the time, which is so cool. (but as you can tell from previous posts its pretty hard sometimes. but. its so worth it.) Along with being a senior my little sister is a freshman (mad shout out to her, she's the best. no doubt.) and getting to go to camp with her and her friends was probably one of the coolest and funnest things ever. Getting to see her just love on her friends, and just having a blast which is besically a wish come true because she totally deserves to have the greatest time of her life... in whatever she is doing. So this weekend i just got to hang out with my friends, i got to talk to them about real stuff. about life. and most importantly the Lord. This weekend also allowed me to see some amazing people that i dont get to see very much because we live so far away. but i love that though. even though it is hard i love how we can see each other and pick up a conversation as if we see each other every day, and also i get to see how the Lord is using them in HUGE ways back at in there home towns.

sorry i feel like im rambling on so im just going to post some pictures and then hit the hay because i have school tomorrow and im exhausted (and im trying really hard not to get sick lolololololol) maybe later this week ill just put up a little blurb about different things that happened at camp... because obviously i just cant type it all down.

God is good. All the time.

sweet girls hanging out infront of the shop

freshman/sophomore cabin

junior/senior cabin

this is just halarious. esp the guys in the background

sista4eva

blacksburg gurlz. #wesokool

pic with becca right after she specifically told me to take the tiger hat off hahahahahah

three of the greatest girls i know

alison in her american attire

and seriously just respect my photo bombing skillz.

grace and alison are in the back seriously they are so awesome i hope to live life like they do one day.

So i bought this tiger hat at the dollar tree and got it stolen from me by a friend of mine and finally got it back at camp needless to say i wore it the whole weekend... i made quite a name for myself.

dry season

if i could sum up my senior year so far this would be what i would say.

"Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, really uncomfortable in my own skin, or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time and I don't belong. I just think about my son, and it scares me, because... I don't ever want him to feel like he doesn't belong. I don't know if my heart could bear that."

These words are from Haley James Scott from one tree hill. Today i watched my favorite episode its called pictures of you if you ever want to watch it. This year hasnt been the year i expected to be. Its been a lot harder, alot more heartbreaking. and to be honest im stoked to get out of here. I was talking to one of my dear friends georgia last night and i was like its not like i could blog this. Its not that i can just tell the world you know life sucks right now. But today as haley was talking she took the words right out of my mouth.

You know i wouldnt change my life for anything, no sum of money, no wish could ever get me to trade this. The people i walk through life, the family i am so lucky to be apart of, the things ive gotten to do, and the things i have gotten to witness. i. would. never. change. that. But that doesnt mean its not hard. It doesnt mean that i dont get in arguments with my family just like every other high schooler. It doesnt mean that i dont want to do the things that regular high school kids do. It doesnt mean i dont struggle with hearing the vicious things high school students have to say, and it doesnt mean that there are never days where i just want to get the heck out of that school and never go back. I have disagreements with my friends. I dont like going to school alot of the time. And to be honest i feel like there is so much more i can be doing with my life than just sitting there.

This year has been hard. I guess i walked into  senior year thinking it was going to be exactly like Junior year. I loved junior year. it was so far the best year of my life. I witnessed the Lord do huge things. I got to see a glimpse of what the Lord has planned for me. I finally found a purpose. And this year its not like that. It doesnt mean the Lord isnt doing big things it just means that my eyes arent open to His mighty power. this year i have felt like i have lost my purpose. which is such a lie from the pit of hell. I believe in alot of lies satan puts infront of me. I get caught up in alot of his traps.

Following the Lord is one of the greatest things. You know reading the word, and being in fellowship is the greatest. i love it. i love doing ministry and i love just seeing the Lord work. Because of Jesus i do have a purpose. and i have life. freedom. but when i go into high school i feel exactly as haley said it. "...incredibly disconnected, really uncomfortable in my own skin, or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time and I don't belong..." i feel like kids look at me and there just like what the heck. i feel like kids dont like me. but like i said earlier its a lie. put infront of me by satan himself. he makes me think that following the Lord or being a younglife kids makes me diff. so diff. that kids dont like me. but that is such a lie.

i dont know if you feel the same as i do. i dont know if this even makes sense. but i do know when i go into the high school i dont fit in. and thats okay. i dont live life the same way most kids do. and alot of times that scares them. and thats okay. because after following Jesus. after reading His TRUTH, i have realized that in the end its going to be worth it. in the end im going to sit right along side those kids that are probably just as uncomfortable as i am around them. i'll be sitting with them with the Lord and it going to be great.

as we follow Jesus. or just stand up for what we believe in its going to set us apart. its going to put us in a place where we feel as if we dont belong. but dont let that over take you. dont let that bring you down because the truth is we are not made to be a part of this world. we are meant to be a part of the world the Lord created. and this here folks isnt it. i find my heart longing for something more. i know that out there i will find peace, and rest. and i will only find that in Jesus Christ.

This dry season will end. but until then i will keep confronting myself with Christ truth, with Christ's grace, Christ's forgiveness. Christ love. and i will be stomping down Satans lies, and traps, and disgusting spiritual warfare.

^{Revelations 21:1-7}
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. ² And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.
³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. ⁴ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
 
⁵ And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” ⁶ And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. ⁷ All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.

also sidenote:
We're going to Rockbridge this weekend! Cant wait to tell you all about it. Please pray that the kids going will hear the gospel for the first time and know how much they are loved. pray that they will cross over from death to life. Pray for the leaders that they will have alot of energy to keep up with these kids pray that they will ask the hard questions and that they will break down the walls in these high school kids lives.

ill give you an update when i get back! unitl then watch this halarious video. this is where im going for the weekend #cantwait

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsFZ2A04hgM&feature=youtu.be

Jesus Paid it All.

Oh goodness sorry i havent blogged in a while. i havent really felt "inspired" to write. and i def dont ever want to feel like i have to write because then it wouldnt be coming from my heart. but anyways lately i have been my inability to do things. more in a spiritual sense than anyhting else. And this weekend was def my breaking point. because of my inability to do things i have also felt because of this im not qualified to do things because im not good enough.

like i have said before i love chasing after high schoolers and showing them that there is a God out there who loves them more than anything else in the world. and can give them more life than any other thing kids are trying to find life in these days. wheather its drugs, alcohol, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, grades, parents.... anything the Lord is able to fill you more than any of them. but recently i have just felt like i just am not able to do that because everytime i try i fail. everytime i find myself trying to glorify myself, rather than the King. i find myself placing my plans infront of His plans, and in the simple scheme of things i def put One Tree Hill before anything #obsessed. other things i tend to do is give up because the things high schoolers do these days i have never done and how do you relate to someone who finds life in that but i myself havent even done it? Things like that make me feel like i cant show kids Christ. It makes me feel like i am not qualified to bring kids to the foot of the cross.

i sit through school and look at my friends around me and my heart breaks because i know, i KNOW God is out there dying for them to see how much He loves them. I know that God is in their hearts already and He just wants them to feel that. I walk through school and see how so many of my friends are addicted to drugs, or enslaved to alcohol. I look around and see girls who are so broken that the only way that they feel complete is by giving themselves to their boyfriends. I see kids every weekend trying to forget why their life sucks so they drink until they dont remember anything. I see kids working so hard because they want to be the star player that they forget that the sport they are playing is meant to be for fun, and your supposed to enjoy it. i hate witnessing that. i hate seeing how broken our society is. and i hate seeing kids constantly pour themselves into something expecting something in return and in reality they are left emptier than before.

but like these kids i am the same way. i try so hard to be the "christian girl" that everybody expects me to be. i find myself seeing my worth in how many parties im invited to... i feel as if im not good enough for friends because i am not able to keep up with their lifestyles. i too am just like every high schooler. broken by the power of sin, constantly searching for something that will give me life.

this morning when i was having my quiet time i was just praying
"Lord they are so lost. they are so broken. i want to take away all their pain, i want to take away all their suffering. i just want to take it all away from them. except i cant. but Lord you can. you can take away everything that is hindering us. you can fill them with life. everlasting life. but how do i show them that whan alot of times i dont feel it myself because of my inability to follow you whole heartedly?"

and as i was writing this in my journal it hit me that its the cross. the only reason we can feel Christ love is because of the cross. The only way we are ever going to feel alive is by the mighty power of the cross.

we are constantly turning to things that will never fill us, drugs, alcohol, self image, relationships, success, grades, leadership roles.  WHEN ARE THESE GOING TO WORK? my heart screams out.  but the answer is. there never going to work. these things that we keep shoving into our hearts are never going to work. the only thing that is going to work is following Christ with everything we have. we will finally feel set free at the foot of the cross where Jesus's blood ran out for us so that we could be free from sin.

my failures, my heart, my everything sits at the foot of the cross where it is traded for love. it is traded for mercy. it is traded for salvation.

Jesus died so that we will never have to find life in anything except for him. He died so that when we are lost and indulge in the things life has to offer, we can find redemption and forgiveness because Jesus broke the power of sin. we no longer have to feel trapped by these things. and that is why we are set free. each and every single one of us.

just know that in all of our failures. you are loved. remember in your daily life. you are loved. remember when things dont look like they couldnt get anyworse. you are loved. know that everystep you take Jesus is right beside you.