dry season

if i could sum up my senior year so far this would be what i would say.

"Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, really uncomfortable in my own skin, or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time and I don't belong. I just think about my son, and it scares me, because... I don't ever want him to feel like he doesn't belong. I don't know if my heart could bear that."

These words are from Haley James Scott from one tree hill. Today i watched my favorite episode its called pictures of you if you ever want to watch it. This year hasnt been the year i expected to be. Its been a lot harder, alot more heartbreaking. and to be honest im stoked to get out of here. I was talking to one of my dear friends georgia last night and i was like its not like i could blog this. Its not that i can just tell the world you know life sucks right now. But today as haley was talking she took the words right out of my mouth.

You know i wouldnt change my life for anything, no sum of money, no wish could ever get me to trade this. The people i walk through life, the family i am so lucky to be apart of, the things ive gotten to do, and the things i have gotten to witness. i. would. never. change. that. But that doesnt mean its not hard. It doesnt mean that i dont get in arguments with my family just like every other high schooler. It doesnt mean that i dont want to do the things that regular high school kids do. It doesnt mean i dont struggle with hearing the vicious things high school students have to say, and it doesnt mean that there are never days where i just want to get the heck out of that school and never go back. I have disagreements with my friends. I dont like going to school alot of the time. And to be honest i feel like there is so much more i can be doing with my life than just sitting there.

This year has been hard. I guess i walked into  senior year thinking it was going to be exactly like Junior year. I loved junior year. it was so far the best year of my life. I witnessed the Lord do huge things. I got to see a glimpse of what the Lord has planned for me. I finally found a purpose. And this year its not like that. It doesnt mean the Lord isnt doing big things it just means that my eyes arent open to His mighty power. this year i have felt like i have lost my purpose. which is such a lie from the pit of hell. I believe in alot of lies satan puts infront of me. I get caught up in alot of his traps.

Following the Lord is one of the greatest things. You know reading the word, and being in fellowship is the greatest. i love it. i love doing ministry and i love just seeing the Lord work. Because of Jesus i do have a purpose. and i have life. freedom. but when i go into high school i feel exactly as haley said it. "...incredibly disconnected, really uncomfortable in my own skin, or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time and I don't belong..." i feel like kids look at me and there just like what the heck. i feel like kids dont like me. but like i said earlier its a lie. put infront of me by satan himself. he makes me think that following the Lord or being a younglife kids makes me diff. so diff. that kids dont like me. but that is such a lie.

i dont know if you feel the same as i do. i dont know if this even makes sense. but i do know when i go into the high school i dont fit in. and thats okay. i dont live life the same way most kids do. and alot of times that scares them. and thats okay. because after following Jesus. after reading His TRUTH, i have realized that in the end its going to be worth it. in the end im going to sit right along side those kids that are probably just as uncomfortable as i am around them. i'll be sitting with them with the Lord and it going to be great.

as we follow Jesus. or just stand up for what we believe in its going to set us apart. its going to put us in a place where we feel as if we dont belong. but dont let that over take you. dont let that bring you down because the truth is we are not made to be a part of this world. we are meant to be a part of the world the Lord created. and this here folks isnt it. i find my heart longing for something more. i know that out there i will find peace, and rest. and i will only find that in Jesus Christ.

This dry season will end. but until then i will keep confronting myself with Christ truth, with Christ's grace, Christ's forgiveness. Christ love. and i will be stomping down Satans lies, and traps, and disgusting spiritual warfare.

^{Revelations 21:1-7}
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. ² And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.
³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. ⁴ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
 
⁵ And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” ⁶ And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. ⁷ All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.

also sidenote:
We're going to Rockbridge this weekend! Cant wait to tell you all about it. Please pray that the kids going will hear the gospel for the first time and know how much they are loved. pray that they will cross over from death to life. Pray for the leaders that they will have alot of energy to keep up with these kids pray that they will ask the hard questions and that they will break down the walls in these high school kids lives.

ill give you an update when i get back! unitl then watch this halarious video. this is where im going for the weekend #cantwait

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsFZ2A04hgM&feature=youtu.be