a true Christmas Gift

Hey Everyone, I'm so sorry i havent wrote in so long. This month has been jammed packed with just fellowship with friends, seeing family, white elephant parties, pitch perfect, exams, winter VT graduations, and the celebration of Jesus. I hope ya'll have had an amazing Christmas and really enjoyed time with family, and close friends. I love Christmas time but im not reallly about setting up all the decorations and stuff for it. I like the spirit of Christmas, i love to give gifts and see how willing other poeple are to give. But as for setting up the tree... i aint about that life. hahahahaha i'm sure i will be when i get older but after i found out santa wasnt real i was basically scarred for life because i was def. that kid. The kid who is determined santa was real. and balled my eyes out when i found out he wasnt. So after that i wasnt really into Christmas as much as i used to be. okay now rereading that it sounds awful.... im not like the grinch or anything i just like seeing the final product of the tree instead of helping out before. does that make sense? i hope so lolz.

About two weeks ago i wrote about how my walk with the Lord has reached it two year mark. I wrote about how my life was at this point and now its at this point. I didnt really go into much detail about why i was there in the beginning or why i felt so lost, but that is for other posts i promise (: however after writing that it made me think about alot of things. i finally came to realization that i am in a dry season with the Lord. which kind of stinks because i was in such a high, fruitful season before. This month its been hard because some of the things i wrote about how i was before i met Christ i kind of feel like im right back to those. For example, trying to seek affirmation from others instead of the Father, or just trying to do things on my own, according to my plan instead of his. I also struggle with new things, like my future, where the hawk im going  to be next year, what im going to be doing. Who my roommate is going to be COMMUNITY SHOWERS (YUCK, so gross, so scared)... seriously freaking about those things hahahah. And to be honest its frusterating. Its like why havent i learned by now. Why do i keep going in circles instead of going forward!

and in the end i think it has come to the point where in my head i feel like i have to change myself. i have to figure out God's plan for me on my own. i also correlate how many quiet times, or how many times ive journaled in a week to how good my realtionship with the Lord is.

and if im being honest i think alot of us can relate to that. whether or not were following the Lord we all have this unobtainable image in our heads of who we should be and its literally this perfect image we can never live up to. and because of how imperfect i am i am ashamed to come to the foot of the cross because of how filthy im made because of my sin.

so i started praying about this. just kind of in the mind set of i know i need to do this reguardless of if i want to or not.. instead of coming to his feet because i want to be there and i want to be filled again. i was just like Lord, im sorry. Im sorry for how filthy i am, im sorry i keep making the same mistakes everyday. im sorry for over looking you and find worth in other things. and you know i would feel great right after them until i messed up again. like when i just backed talk my parents, or just had the attitude of screw this. you know what im sayin? and so this was just kind of like an on going thing. until one day it just  kind of hit me. Like recently, this week recently. Jesus was born this week, a long long time ago in that manger. and because of his life i no longer have walk in darkness. i no longer have to feel the way ive been feeling for a while. he was born so i no longer have to keep trying to earn his forgiveness, because that day in the manger a long long time ago. you and i have been given the opportunity to be forgiven because when Jesus grew up he died for our sins and we no longer have to earn his forgiveness because he gives it to us. the question i had to ask myself was if i was willing to accept his gift. the ultimate Christmas gift. in this gift not only do i find forgiveness, but life, and worth, and joy, and freedom. Because of this gift i can come to the cross digustingly dirty. and be cleaned. because when we change our mind set from being set on doing good things for Him to believing in Him. he will change us. he will change our motives, and he will show us the way to live.

will you be willing to accept Jesus' gift to you?

two years: its been so worth it

today is special. two years ago today is when everything changed for me. 730 days ago my life was turned upside down by a God who has much bigger plans for me than i could possibly imagine. Two years ago i started walking with the Lord, and since then my life has been forever changed.

Two years ago if you would have told me i would have been walking with the the Lord i probably would have laughed at you and said yeah right. Thanks but no thanks, I probably would have told you the Lord wasnt real, and that believing in Him was stupid, and a waste of time. I was a girl who was super insecure, always trying to fit in, but still trying to prove im different (if that makes sense). self centered. always pointing the conversation back to myself. severly broken by the power of sin, always seeking affirmation from the people around me, and finding my worth in what others thought of me. i would get close to people (relationship wise) but not close enough to be real, and really let them know who i am. and to be honest thats just a few things the list could go alot longer.

I was really lost. but some how because of how my friends loved me so deeply reguardless of how i treated them. i know thats how Christ is there for me. My friends kept showing up and loving me for who i was. No matter what. There were times when i treated the people i loved the most really really badly, but through all of that they were still there. Because of my friends i knew that is how Christ loves me, that is how Christ will continue to show up in my life and forgive me even when i dont deserve it. The list i said above no longer matters because the Lord looks at me and says iyou are forgiven, and i love you.

Today i look back on the past two years and i know that the Lord is real. i see Him working in kids lives every single day. i see him working in my own heart. even after two years i feel like a baby in my faith i have so much to learn, but through the time i have been following the Lord i can say that because of Him i am a changed person. and i would not be living my life any other way. i still struggle alot, i still have bad days, and dry seasons, but at the end of the day my worth is no longer found in those things, i no longer have to go through these days alone.

Two years ago this is who i was:
I was a girl who was super insecure, always trying to fit in, but still trying to prove im different (if that makes sense). self centered. always pointing the conversation back to myself. severly broken by the power of sin, always seeking affirmation from the people around me, and finding my worth in what others thought of me. i would get close to people (relationship wise) but not close enough to be real, and really let them know who i am.

This is who i am now:
I am found in Christ. i am no longer searching for something will fill me because i have found Someone who fills my life everyday. I have adventure. I am no longer lost in the crowd but found in Him. I am loved, and forgiven with no strings attached.

 if you ever want to learn more about my story i would love to tell you please dont hesitate to ask.

...

Baby brooklyn comes home in TWO DAYS. such a miracle. 

blog post from a dear friend

this is is a guest post from one of my best friends. we met this summer at work crew  and i am just so encouraged by her on a daily basis. Alyssa is one of those people that lives life in such a way that you want to be around her all the time. The way she genuinely cares for her friends and intently listens to them just brings people to Jesus feet. This year Lyssa will be placed at a high school in Ohio as a young life leader and i cannot wait to witness the way the Lord is going to work through her and bring teenagers to Him. The plans the Lord has planned for her are huge and i am just so lucky to be a witness to it. But anyways here's Alyssa everyone (:

Hi, I’m Alyssa, one of Hailey’s friends from Work Crew. She asked me a while ago to write something for her blog and sadly I thought it was a joke. But she was serious and said that she felt that I had something to say. Hmmm…what? I didn’t even know I had something to say, but I trust her so I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it some more. I then prayed a little, but just wasn’t feeling the Lord talking to me, telling me what I needed to say. So honestly, I just kept putting it off until I would hopefully feel Him telling me what to write. I kept questioning Him when that moment will be. When will I be told what to do?

I suppose that that is something I struggle with constantly, not feeling the Lord’s presence and not hearing His advice to me. All through high school I waited and waited for His response to my questions. I was stubborn and I wanted to challenge Him and force Him to answer, because that what the Lord does, He answers prayers right? So of course I was not getting what I wanted. Even today I struggle with that. I am always finding a way to challenge God to answer me and to get what I want. These I call my ruts. When I wasn’t getting what I asked for from God I would go in to a rut. These ruts caused my view of God to be skewed and single-blinded. I continually relapsed into these when I felt the Lord drifting further and further away from me. And I wanted everything to put me back right next to Him; however I wanted God to do it for me.

But thankfully the Lord does answer prayers and thankfully again, he does on his own time.  I was reading my bible when I came across these verses that hit me hard:

Proverbs 3:5-12

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Honor the Lord with all your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

This right here is all I need! But it requires me to work at it. A relationship isn’t only one person it’s two! Two need to work at it to improve it, fix it, and perfect it. I despised the Lord’s discipline when I should have been accepting it and acting on it. He’s telling me that he challenges and disciplines me because he loves me. He wants me to grow closer to him through my weaknesses. So now whenever I feel as though I am drifting away from the Father, I just need to remember that He loves me and is not drifting away but He is giving me the opportunity to get closer to Him.

If you ever feel as though you are not as close to God as you should be or that you are drifting away from Him, remember that that is your opportunity to join Him and to better your relationship with Him. But you have to first recognize that you are not a part of that relationship and that you need to do something about it. So are you ready to get closer to God or do you need to start that relationship? I am proof that he does answer those prays because not only did the Lord help me find what I needed to say but he helped me fix something in my heart. He helped to rid me of these ruts that prevented me from growing closer the Him.