sometimes it isn't always easy

well its been a while since i wrote.

a lot has happened and the whole point of this blog was to share in the highs and lows of walking through life with Christ. well. needless to say i have done one of the poorest jobs a blogger could possibly do and have not updated anything since idk september? i don't even remember. but now i guess that season is over and its time to write again.

in by no means have i perfected anything in life or my relationship with the Lord but i am growing and i am learning and i am not the same girl i was when i first set foot onto ODU, i am not the same girl from five months ago also. the Lord is constantly pursing our hearts and pruning the things to make us becoming the men and women of God he has created us to be.

since the last time i wrote a lot has happened. in december my dreams came true and i was placed as a young life urban leader. i now lead inner city young life at a wonderful school called Norview. i had no idea that this would be the hardest thing i have ever done in my whole life. i dont really know what i was expecting but it wasn't this. the feeling that my heart would literally be ripping in to pieces when i see the girls (that i don't even know) walking in the hallways enslaved to the things of the world. or the everlasting longing in my heart that one day these kids will live in freedom.  free from sex, drugs, alcohol, relationships, grades so many other things that i don't even know about! there are days when i want to give up because i know that i am going to fail the Lord yet again today and probably tomorrow. i still can't figure out why the Lord has picked us to be a vessel for his gospel. Oh how foolish i can be with such a great responsibility!!  however the Lord is good. he is forever relentlessly pursuing us to draw him closer to him. he also is full of grace and when the days come around and i see my worth in how good club went he refuses to look at that. he sees me. he sees my heart behind it, he sees the attempt and says "Hailey!!! you're doing a great job!!! i am so proud of you!" so many times i get so caught up in seeing my failures. and thank goodness for a God who chooses to see my attempts and celebrate my success instead.

leading has been scary. actually terrifying and a lot of times i chicken out of contact work. walking into Blacksburg high school where i went to school for four years is completely different then walking into a school where you know nobody. after i first got placed i would go up to Norview to the basketball games and sit by myself cause i didn't know anybody there. i would see the kids and would think wow i probably shouldn't have worn these neon yellow crocs and XL animal shirt. (way to go Hailey, winning these kids over one weird look at a time.) after a few times of that it wasn't going anywhere so the Lord was calling me to go farther and give up all the ways i thought would reach kids best and go for the ways he thinks his kids would be reached best.  its funny because the Lord knew my heart and he knew i was not settling to continuously walk into Norview high school without being able to say at least hi to anyone. So the brilliant idea of dum dum suckers came to mind. The plan was to go to the school and hand out dum dum suckers to kids. This not only forced me to say hey to kids and ask them if they wanted a sucker but it also created an opportunity for me to go onto kids turfs. It allowed me to go onto the turf where i did not feel welcomed at all. well needless to say i was pumped about this idea until the day came and from the moment i woke up until i was walking back to my car i thought i was going to throw up everywhere. i was so nervous. i literally talked myself out of it multiple times. i also cried on the way there and told the Lord i didn't want to go and that it wasn't worth it. but in this time i had no one else to rely on except for our sweet sweet Father who had me all along. From the moment i woke up all i could do was complain. no joke. all i could think about is how i couldn't do it. how this was such a creepy idea and kids would not accept anything i was trying to give them. so that morning the Lord provided. and as i was reading acts 20 this came up

acts 20:22
and now compelled by the Spirit, i am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there.

i would love to be able to say that solved everything and made me feel aton better. but it didn't. after reading that instead of telling the Lord i couldn't do it the complain changed to. "great, now i have to go. " after going to class i got in my car in went kicking and struggling the whole way there in the Lords tight arms around me who refused to let me go.

That day was a big step forward. kids ended up taking literally handfuls of suckers multiple kids came back and got more. i held the door open for kids and just opened the bag and literally the Lord had the rest because i was too scared. but thank God literally because that was one of the first steps i got to take to earn the right to be on Norview kids turf.

Later on in that acts verse it says verse 23-24 i only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, i consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and compete the task the Lord Jesus has given me --the task of testifying the good news of God's grace.

this semester has been a straight 90 degree uphill climb. i have literally complained every day. most of the times about the stupidest things. I've missed a lot of opportunities because of my pride issues, and because i don't think that the Lord is big enough and i try to do it myself. i have gotten to the point where i didn't think i could go another day, or lead anymore. but our God is a God who when he takes us on an adventure he's not sending us to places where we can't handle. he is not sending us to places where the water is too deep, the kids are too lost, the resources are not enough. he is sending us to places where he already is. he is sending us to places where yes we will fail, we will struggle a lot. but he is not letting go of us. he is not giving up on us. and he will continually push us to harder places where darkness seems like it is winning. and it is mortifying and we don't think we can take one step further. but he is that tiny light shining in the distance blinking saying i am already here. i want you to continue the work i have already started here. because in the end our goal here on earth is to testify about the magnificent, life giving, beautiful, scandalous, freeing news of God's grace.  because God is not settling until every single one of his children come home.

heres to the day when we run into the arms of our Savior in eternity and the struggles of this world will be no more and the race will be complete. don't stop running hard. don't stop living your life in great leaps of faith. keep your eyes focus on the author and creator of your life and he will be the one who carries you through it.

all my heart.
hp

fulfilled hearts

i havent wrote in a while. i think i could come up with a lot of excuses as to why i havent blogged but there not legitimate. i just want to write when i want to write and when my heart wants to write. im a little over two months into college and it is the best. i love old dominion. everyday i am overwhelmed with how the Lord is completely in control of my life (whether i would like to admit it or not) and his plan is incredibly better than what i could ever dream of. i think about last year and how dead set i was on Appalachian State and how now by a gut feeling im here at ODU and i literally cannot see myself anywhere else but here in the heart of norfolk.

something that has been on my heart and something that i am learning alot about right now is that the Lord is relentlessly fighting for you. and there is absolutely nothing in this whole world that is going to stop Him from coming and getting you and pulling you into his arms and looking into your eyes and saying i love you. this world is broken. we are lost. and we are wandering around searching for something to fill us. we try to fill a longing deep in our hearts with things that the world has said  YES! this will fill you! if you have this, if you own this, if you do this, if you look like this. you will be satisfied. we are constantly running ourselves into the ground trying to live up to what others think of us and we forget that we are not held to a standard of perfection but we are held to a standard of grace.  that the material things we are filling our lives with doesnt matter. that no one else's opinion matters. we forget that the only thing we need is a Savior. and his name is Jesus. we are constantly attempting to run farther and farther away from Him. He who is the only thing that will fully heal us. He who is the only thing that will truly fill us. He who is the only one who is constantly running farther and farther ahead of us so that he can hold us and carry us home when we turn to Him and say Lord i cant do this on my own any more. if we were only to let go of our pride, and shame, and allow ourselves to be completely vulnerable, the Lord would take that and make it into something far more beautiful than what this world could ever make of it. He would take our messy, stained, prideful, broken hearts and give us a new heart that is overflowing and radiating with joyous praise.

i think if we were truly able to let go we would live differently.  i think we would see people differently and i think we would so deeply that it would leave people baffled with what had just hit them. i think that we would experience life to its absolute fullest. i think that everyday we come to a point where we can choose joy, we can choose life, and we can choose Jesus. but its an everyday choice. and sometimes we mess up and choose things that aren't Jesus and thats when we have the amazing opportunity to come back to the foot of the cross and lay it all down. and once we lay it down we are redeemed children of the Lord. freed from the power of sin. made new by the spirit of Christ.

i hope to blog more than i have in the past months so def check back in (: this week really seek Jesus i promise you its worth it.

all my heart,
hp

experiencing Jesus

The other day i was reading The Younglife Leaders blog (read here) and they had this post about Tim Keller's Advice for helping teenagers grow in their faith. And i read it once and its a super sweet post but it didnt really hit me till a few min later this one part really stuck out to me. Tim Keller said:

'Teenagers have more information about God than they have experience of him. Get them in places where they have to rely on God."

um seriously? yes. thats all i can say. not only is this applicable to ATON of my friends not only that are teenagers but young adults and older adults but to myself. I think so many times i get caught up in knowing who Jesus is. or going to places that tell me about Him. and i forget so many times that i need to get to a place of knowing him personally. Having to depend on him in situations where i physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually cannot handle it. This idea that Jesus is static (Lacking in movement, action, or change, esp. in a way viewed as undesirable or uninteresting.) only leaves us empty. well i know it leaves me bored, dead, empty and many other things that i dont like to be. I often forget that our God is a dynamic (aggressive, changing, charismatic, effective, energetic, forceful, influential, lively, potent, powerful, productive, progressive, vigorous, activating) God who has created each and every single one of our lives to be dramatically fuller than what society says our lives should be.

This past month i spent at a Younglife Camp called Malibu in BC Canada. I would like to say i was probably 100+ miles from civilization but it was probably only 50, and i had no communication except by snail mail that took 8+ days to get to where i was. Not only was i disconnected from every social media i have (instagram, facebook, and snapchat are my obsessions) i was disconnected from everything i found familiar. My environment, the people, the ministry itself looks very different on the west coast than it does on the east coast. Not in a bad way life is just very different from coast to coast thus making the ministry mold to the people that are involved. For me this was a little bit scary and way out of my comfort zone but then i found out my job and i was palced in the kitchen. LOL if you know me you would be laughing at this because i can barely even boil water without setting something on fire. unless its brownies.. then were gucci. But on the real i am terrible at cooking. but in these moments where i literally had no idea what the hawk i was doing The Lord provided. I did not go to work crew by myself. I was surrounded by 60+ people on work crew and summer staff that were all in the same boat i was in. And most of us did not know each other from Adam. seriously. only month has gone by and these people are now some of my closest friends. and we became a family that was centered on Christ. Things that were unfirmiliar became second nature because of how the Lord provided. in the kitchen i got to work along side of some of the most incredible people i have ever met. and im not just saying that i really mean it. These people leak Jesus with every pore in their body. i wasnt just learning about growing as a cook. but i was growing as a disciple of the Lord. I learned how to serve people in a ways i never thought was possible. The environment i was living in was obviously very different from Blacksburg. Some people joked around and said we were living on a rock but the funnier thing was we actually were. We were surrounded by water which obvi was nothing close to the blue ridge mountains i live in. oh thats the other thing mountains here literally look like HILLS or mounds of dirt compared to the mountains out west. that literally cracked me up every time i thought about it.

but anyways i think alot of times we get static in our relationship with Christ. we get comfortable where we are and stuck in a routine of doing the same thing over and over again and we forget that our relationship with Him is supposed to be full of adventure, and huge leaps of faith that alot of times we have no idea where we will end up. Katie Davis puts it perfectly in her book Kisses from Katie “We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us. And there is no better place to be than in His hands.” And not being safe doesnt always mean life or death, it could mean safe with your heart or with your time or money. I think this goes directly back to what Tim Keller says we need to experience Jesus. I think we can know alot about Jesus but he doesnt become real to us until we put our self in a position to see him.

i think what we read in the bible of Jesus walking on water, and feeding 5 thousand people is so attractive to us because our hearts are wired for adventure. when Jesus says to us YES i did these things back then and i can do them now in your life. we read about people in the missionary field, or making a difference in their communities, or someone doing a random act of kindness, or someone in our own lives that just lives life differently. we see these people and say i want what they have, or i want to live my life the way they do and i think thats because we see Jesus living through them and allowing them to have the greatest adventure life has to offer. and i know that our hearts are created for that, they are created to be in a real living adventurous relationship with Christ. and when we feel fully alive, its because we are fully alive in Christ.

John 10:10 The best life. 


The great adventure

I think I could make up alot of excuses as on why I haven't blogged in so long. But in reality I'm just lazy and haven't. Now I'm sitting in the Chicago airport waiting on stand by to try to get to Seattle Washington where I will embark on an incredible month long adventure The Lord has set me out on to serve kids at a younglife camp in Canada called Malibu. At the beginning of the year I started this blog so I could write down the places The Lord takes my heart whether or not I was willing and I wanted to prove to myself and others that living life whole heartedly for Christ is worth it. If you've read some posts previously it's not easy sometimes. Sometimes you feel like your drowning in a huge ocean of unknown. But then you realize that The Lord was holding you the whole time all you had to do was to trust Him. Then there has been times where there's mountain top experiences and you realize that this is what you were created to do. Then there's been the in-betweens the comfortable spots where you're just set on cruise control.  This year has been full of all of those and alot of times i found myself in the same place more than once. But as I sit here on this airport I'm slowly grasping how that this life Jesus created is meant to be shared. that life, Jesus, friends, school, family, sports and so many other things are worth it and there meant to be experienced fully. Not half heatedly but all out 110%.. Yes alot of times when we put our hearts and ourselves out there fully exposed and we fail. We hit dead ends but when we hit these patches in life that rips us up we pour broken hearts souls and spirits at the foot of he cross where we can be put back together even more whole than before by the man who created us and knew you before time even began. And then there are times we succeed and we feel whole and complete because we have purpose given to us by the one who created life itself. Either way we are truly living because we are living in Him. We don't have to fear about the lows because he is there and he is there waiting to celebrate with  us in the highs. Maybe none of this makes sense but if I could put it into one sentence or two it would be: don't be afraid to truly live because that is how life was created. And when we put our whole being into trusting The Lord and his plans we will find ourselves getting to travel along the greatest adventure of our lives.

mark 2

Today my pastor did a sermon on the four guys that carried their paralyzed friend to Jesus and then proceeded to literally dig through the roof just so he could see Jesus, and its funny because one of my great friends and i just got done reading this same passage this week. I find myself with this story reading it and missing how much it has to offer me and i just see the surface stuff instead of how deeply rooted this story is to my own life.

sometimes i really struggle trying to see Jesus. i love to fill my life with material things that satisfy me for short amounts of time. i love to try to fix my problems myself instead of asking for help. and i love doing things my way. sometimes i am the paralyzed man. i am the paralyzed man who gets to a point where i cannot do anything else to fix my condition, i cant magically heal myself, and more than likely i am probably throwing a pity party over it. however, i have these friends. these friends who without fail always show up at these times and they pick me up and drop me at the feet of Jesus. these friends that have either walked through every aspect of my life or maybe just a short while, but they know that the only thing they can do to help me is to bring me to Jesus. i think we all have these kinds of people. the people in your life that tend to show up at just the right time and they can bring a smile to your face on the worst days. they call you every once in a while to check in and say hello. or they are just simply there. maybe not every single day but you know they will drop everything to come sit and listen, or go get ice cream, or do stupid things no one else wants to do but you. i am so thankful for these friends. i am so thankful they choose to put up with my sarcastic, wild, and crazy self. i am so blessed.

then there are days when i get the amazing opportunity to be the friend. the friend that shows up one day with a mat and saying im taking you to a man who can heal you, and allow you to walk. i have so many friends that i get the opportunity just to walk through life with. and i love doing that. i love creating relationships so that one day they will know who Jesus is. i love being able to love them and attempt to show them not even a glimpse of how much Jesus loves them. i love being able to walk through the high school and talk to people in hopes that a simple hello can show how much someone cares about them. i love that. i am so blessed to witness how the Lord has used a cup of ice cream to create a relationship that will last a life time. one day i hope my friends will realize how much i love them and how much Jesus loves them. i hope they understand that no matter what i will be there for them. no matter how far away i am. and one day if they need someone to come pick them up and tear through a roof to bring them to the feet of Jesus i will.

Mark 2:1-12

New Living Translation (NLT)

When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.”

But some of the teachers of religious law who were sitting there thought to themselves, “What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!”
Jesus knew immediately what they were thinking, so he asked them, “Why do you question this in your hearts? Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk’? So I will prove to you that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins.” Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and said, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home!”
And the man jumped up, grabbed his mat, and walked out through the stunned onlookers. They were all amazed and praised God, exclaiming, “We’ve never seen anything like this before!”

love God. love peope. do stuff. -Bob Goff

consistancy

hello to all. i am so sorry i havent wrote in so long. to me it literally feels like it was yesterday when i wrote last, when actually it was over a month. i guess also there has been no major life changing events that has happened that i feel like i should write about lol (: what has happened in the last month is starting of games for softball, younglife clubs on monday, a graduation date has been set (#wohooooo), and school 5 days a week. i guess most of us would call that life and im just trying to live it.

for me personally i have been learning alot about Christ's consistancy through my life. senior year is coming to a close so fast and in a daily perspective its like whoa i have tons of time but looking at it in a montly perspective it will be here before i know it. which i am excited about dont get me wrong. i am excited about moving on into the next thing the Lord has planned for me. meeting new people and creating great friendships. but it also overwhelms me, especially with the idea that i will be so far away from my closest friends, my family, everything that i am firmiliar with. so with this and alot of other things on my mind i feel like my mind never fully at rest. its never able to just stop and not be thinking about the next thing. i dont know if you ever feel like that but i know for me it wears me plum out. lol

through this season of looking forward, I have been learning that we are to look towards Christ. that relying on Him makes us focus on His plan and His plan is perfect so we no longer have to be concerned about the what the future holds. that through our days that often consist of many up and downs He will stay consistant.

we just have to trust Him.

sorry i dont have much to say but heres some pics over the past few weeks. i WILL write more SOON.

Lucas and I learning great things at Capernaum Club

 

Blacksburg Varsity Softball 2013

One of my great friends birthdays

woke up at 7 to watch this beautiful sunrise

my best friend and i went up to the cabin and stayed all night with no fernature

Gabbie and I syran rapped Kendells room after she broke records at her track meet.

the things we cling to

i think we all have that one thing we are terrified to give up to the Lord. the one thing that holds us back, the one thing we hold onto so tightly because it defines us. it shows us our worth in a humanly stand point, and in our heads we think that we have total control of it.

that thing for me was, and still is sometimes softball.

softball is something that i have played ever since i was little, something i took up and just loved it. softball was something i was able to transition with from south dakota to here. when i was little i played on a little dixie rec league and had a blast. we were just a bunch of little girls playing the game we loved. as time progressed we wanted bigger and better competion so we all started to play travel and suddenly our summers became full of hotel rooms, three games a day, hot weather, and practice three days a week.

little by little it took over my life, and my heart. i loved playing. i loved the atmosphere of it all, the dirt, the food, the teams. it was just a totally different world. but as i grew up so did the game. the pitchers got faster, the teams were more competitive, and the girls could hit alot harder. it came to a point where it was like if you want to go play college ball bad enough you can do it, you just have to fully commit to it. and like i said earlier, i love this game. so i dived in fully and put everything i had into it. practice was either all or nothing, a bunch of work outs, and when there wasnt practice i would be at the field anyways to hit off tees. (Its funny alot of times if my mom didnt know where i was 99 percent of the time you would find me at the field.) it consumed me. if i was upset i could go to the field and just hit all my frustration out, if it was nice outside what else would there to do but go hit, you know it was just everything i did revolved around softball.

as school season came around i started to put up some good numbers that i was really proud of. and in my mind it was hard work = good results. so that also meant if i worked hard i could control how my stats would look. so that motivated me to work even harder. which was great until the slumps, or the errors, or the "off days". those days where i was off totally controlled me. i couldnt leave it on the field. i carried it around with me so going to the field to hit wasnt because i wanted too but because i was terrified to mess up. i was so afraid of not being good enough. whether it was the stats on the sheet of paper or this image that i had set up in my head that was literally perfection.

time went on and i kept playing travel, i was gone from the first weekend of summer to the last. playing anywhere from 5 to 9 games a weekend. traveling all over the place from 30 min to 8 hours. i would sit on the computer and send out recruiting stuff for literally hours at a time.

and then junior year came around and needless to say my world was flipped upside down. i started leading a little bible study with some sophomore girls. and took a while. but after some time i finally realized there were other things to do other than softball. i no longer needed great stats to prove i was good. i no longer needed to play college softball because that was not my only option for my future. i realized that loving these girls because Christ loves them was so much more important than what was going on in my selfish heart to be the best. yet, i realized that but when season came around i fell quickly back into the mold of having to be the best. and if my stats werent portraying that, i wasnt a good ball player. and if i wasnt a good ball player, who was i? even though the season was different and i tried my hardest to play in such a way that portrayed i was playing for a bigger purpose but it wasnt until this fall when my chains were finally broken.

after going to work crew i had some time to think about what my future was really going to be about and after i got home i just felt like in my heart i wasnt called to play college softball, so i then decided not to tryout out for a travel team for the first time since seventh grade. It was different, but a good different i had time to do things i normally wouldnt have been able to do which was so fun. but then a day came where i got a call from a college coach. one offering me a chance to follow a dream that was set in my heart long long ago. but for the first time in my whole life i didnt want to follow the dream i had been running after my whole life because there was a dream much bigger than collegiant softball waiting for me to follow. i was so scared because i could no longer use softball as my crutch when i didnt want to follow the Lord. it was no longer something i could hide behind because now my whole heart belonged to Jesus. and i knew that that is exacetly where i wanted my heart to be.

this was what i wrote in my journal after hanging up the phone with the coach, i packed my bags and headed to the field.
September 9, 2012
Lord for years this was my sanctuary. my place where i was glorified. this field held my identity, my life, and my future. this was where i came in my times of need. here i  found my identity, and constant need for affirmation. this is where you werent allowed. this is where i got to call the shots and where i was in control. i found some of my greatest friends here. i was torn down here, and was broken. this is where my heart was found. this is where i was lost but you found me. Lord today is the day i gave everything up to you. today is the day i say yes with everything i have. i say no to my plans, but yes to your plans. i am terrified. i am broken, but i am here to follow what you are calling me to. i am scared. but i know you are in control. im sitting on this field that used to be a cage. it used to hold me tight in its little satisfaction it gave me. but now i sit here free. free from the need to be the best. free from my human boundaries. Lord, i finally feel free. and here i am. all of me.
i am free.
hailey

my senior year of softball started this week. day six. and i have alread tripped, stumbled, and fell multiple times on the things i have struggled with in the past. but the Lord has been ever so quick to forgive just like every time before. i am going to fail multiple times this year. i am going to mess up, but the difference in this year is that my heart finally understands that i am free from the stats, and records, and all the other baggage i carry along with me that ties me so tightly to this world i am living in.

whatever your heart is clinging to i pray that one that you will be freed from that. i pray that one day you will fully be freed from the things you let define you. cause on that day you will feel fully alive.

Sometime in the near future

i have been meaning to blog for quite some time now. its crazy to me that today is the last day of January. time is literally flying by and i can barely keep up with it.

In the past few days my world has been flipped upside down by a God that has much bigger plans than mine. My heart was set on Appalachain State. I felt like i just needed to be there for the next step in life. i have gone down there multiple times to visit and fell in love with the campus, the area, everything. Deep down i was just like this is where i need to be. I was looking for schools that had photography degrees and out of the six non private school on the east coast App was one. It was only three hours away and my grandparents lived as an exact midway point from Boone to Blacksburg. It was perfect. So last friday as i looked at my application tracker thing my dreams had came to a hault when i looked onto the screen to see the words denied next to my application status.

Let me take you back a month or so to the last week in November, as the deadlines for many early addmission college apps came closer and closer i could not shake this feeling that i needed to apply to ODU. i kept resisting and resisting because i was so determined that i was going to be at App the next year, i really thought it was the Lord's plan and i just wanted to follow that whole heartedly. But ODU kept popping up. So the day before the application was due and after many long conversations with close friends i made the decision to apply. After about three weeks my best friend and i got our acceptance letters, and my mom and i danced around the kitchen in celebration of i was going to college somewhere. We hung the letter onto the refridgerator and continued our wait to hear back from the school my heart desprately wanted to go to.

This whole semester two consistant prayers that i have been praying was that i would be accepted of denied from App. i didnt really want the whole deffered thing and i really just wanted His plan to be so blatenly obvious to me. and the other thing i kept praying was that where ever i go that i would be following His plans and not mine. So after i had my realization that i wasnt going to App. which consisted of me signing off and then back on again to make sure i hadnt gone crazy or something (lolz) but after some time had gone by i started to realized that the Lord had answered my prayers in such huge ways. that His plan is for me to be at ODU next year, that his plan was for me to be five hours away instead of three.

ironically my little sister had a volleyball tourney in Hampton, which is only a short ways away from ODU, so we packed our bags planned our little tour ODU campus and was on our way. Saturday morning came alot quicker than our 8 hour bumper to bumper traffic filled, blizzard like conditions road trip to hampton hahaha but that morning the rents and me piled in the car and headed to ODU. My parents were not fond of the idea of me going to ODU, from many friends they had heard how it wasnt in a good area, and that super freaked them out. But as we drove up to the campus i think all of our hearts were taken aback at how wrong our impressions were. The whole tour was fantastic my parents, and i fell in love with this place that we had no intentions in loving. we not only found that this is where the Lord's plan are for me, but a beginning of a great adventure for our whole family.

I fell in love with ODU just as i did with App. State. I feel the Lord so much in both places but now i know that his plan is for me to be along the shoreline instead of in the mountains. I have seen in the past few days that the Lord DOES answer our prayers. He DOES show up consistantly in our lives to show us the way. My prayers were answered in a completely different way than i expected. Its taken me off guard and placed me way out of my comfort zone, but i know i am in the Lord's hands. i know that He is going to walk me through this and show me why he has called me to ODU. Sometimes i dont see the Lord answer my prayers and blatenly as He has answered this one. But i know that He is a mighty God and He loves us more than anything in the world, and if he is calling me there my only answer is to follow Him, because i know that i am following a mighty God that created my plan and there is no other place i would rather be.

ODU here i come!

why i blog.

this morning i was reading a blog post from one of my friends Matt. Matt was from my work crew and he posted his testimony to his blog and honestly it was just such a reminder of how far Christ is willing to go for us, and this amazing story of  Christ's redemption. it also shows us how much Christ uses the people we are close to and even strangers to bring his people home to Him.

Matt's testimony reminded me so much of why i started blogging in the first place. A while back one of my dear friends Casey knew i had a heart for overseas mission. My heart was literally dying to go over there. at the time i hated school and so i probably would have quit and just gone over there if i would have had the opportunity haha. but like i said i hated school so i was def going on about it in the wrong way. but in the end i still wanted to go over so serve people and share Jesus with them. so casey showed me a blog by a girl named Katie Davis. Katie Davis is an amazing girl who honestly is changing the world and most of us dont even know who she is. if you have some time this is a little video of who she is. I started reading Katie's blog and it just opened up this world of how following the Lord wont just impact our own eternity but others as well.

You can read Katie Davis blog here.

A little bit further down the road in my sophomore year i had stopped believing in Jesus all together, high school was really hard for me.i just didnt fit in. and i was made fun of alot for my faith and it was hard. So my solution was to just stop following Jesus and attempt to be a normal kid. This was until two campaigner girls stepped into my life. Eva and Kara. To this day i have no idea how lucky i was that they walked into my life. They kept showing up in my life and loving my for who i was and gently just kept pushing me closer to Christ. During this time the girls had gotten a hold of this blog from a Younglife leader named Libby. Libby was diagnosed with cancer and started a blog of how she would glorify God through this. after i read it for the first time i started reading it religiously. i remember reading what she wrote and it made the Lord so real to me. I remember wanting the life she had. Not the cancer but the spark. She had a drive like no one else i had ever met and i wanted that. I knew it was Jesus, i knew that following the Lord was not just a choice but a lifestyle. Slowly but surely because of the time that Libby took to write, she changed the way i would live my life forever. Suprisingly my younglife leaders, leader was Libby so i have had the amazing opportunity to meet her, and honestly she is the same person that i read on her blog, she is so real, and so loving, which is so assuring because i know sometimes esp on here, but its so easy to just say things people want to hear. Kind of like when someone asks how were doing and we automatically say "oh yeah im fine," when in reality were falling apart on the inside. you know what i mean? but Libby is the exact opposite. She puts herself out there and because of the the Lord is using her in huge ways. Libby will probably never know the impact she had on my life. But if it wasnt for her blog there is a fat chance i would still be that lost, insecure, faithless girl i was my sophomore year.

You can read Libby's blog here.

The Lord speaks to me in HUGE ways through blogs. I dont know why, me and my friends think its actually kind of halarious. But i started blogging because maybe theres someone like me who needs a little encouragement. Maybe there's someone out there that just needs to feel like theres something worth living for. or maybe you just need something to do. But the Lord uses words. he uses them in huge ways just like our actions. people are listening and maybe just maybe if we took the chance to be real with them our world would change in big ways.


If you want to read more blogs if you scroll down a little to the left side of the page under good reads there are blogs that i read and i find them incredible. and i'll list most of them right below this.


http://mattweatherly.wordpress.com/
http://www.younglifeleaders.org/
http://libbyryder.blogspot.com/
http://icarlymission.blogspot.com/
http://francoyounglife.blogspot.com/
http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/
http://kylielynngalyen.blogspot.com/
http://zacharywinman.blogspot.com/
http://hiimhannahlou.wordpress.com/

i read alot of blogs, lolz but each of these blogs have incredible writeres behind them, if you have some time take a look at them hope ya'll have a great rest of a week. We go back to school tomorrow wohooo. syke. lol pray for us please!

a new year

Happy New Year Everyone! As for the Porth House hold we are starting this new year off right.... Were all sick. lolz. #welcometothegoodlife. This winter break for me has been so so good. its a nice long break and when i go back to school i will be a second semester senior!! heres to doing no work for the rest of the year! jk jk jk (mom i'm seriously just kidding... maybe)

Since my last blog post i have really seen the Lord working in the people around me. Which has been so so cool. Last Friday i got the amazing opportunity to go to Fieldstone's Food Pantry. Im sure alot of you have helped out with food drives, and many other things to help those in need. but how many times do we walk away from those things with out hearts truly changed? yes, of course were going to feel good about what we've done but can we say that our hearts are truly changed from the experience?  after going friday night my heart was thoroughly changed. The Food Pantry at Fieldstone is not just a place where people can get the needs for their bodies, but they will also recieve the needs of their hearts. The people that are there to serve are radiating with the love of Christ and its hard not to be effected by that. I seriously just had an amazing time getting to sit and talk with these people that have stories that will break you heart. These people have such hope and courage that will just leave you awestruck. I am so blessed that i got to witness such an amazing ministry that the Lord is doing huge things through. (if you want to get involved with this ministry im going to put a little plug down at the bottom! the pantry is ALWAYS in need of food and volunteers)

Another amazing spontaneous adventure i got to embark on is going up to Snowshoe with one of my best friends family. This family truly loves the Lord, and is constantly giving everything to follow Him. Through my high school experience this family has without fail always been there to hold bible study at their house, sit and listen to my struggles, or my highs. They have all had such a huge impact on me and getting to spend the past few days with them was just so fulfilling. Katie, who is one of my best friends lives life in such a way that we are all just jealous of. she is halarious, kind, and competitive. the Lord has used her to keep me accountable on multiple occasions and i am so blessed to have her. one day she is going to be an amazing younglife leader and she's going to change so many peoples lives.

one thing i wanted to end with, i started a new devotional called Disciplines by Upper Room Books lolz its by a ton of people my dear friend Mrs. Judy gave to me. ive only done two days but so far its really great, the passage ive been reading for it is Isaiah 60:1-6 which says:

“Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see.
For the glory of the Lord rises to shine on you.
² Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth,
but the glory of the Lord rises and appears over you.
³ All nations will come to your light;
mighty kings will come to see your radiance.

⁴ “Look and see, for everyone is coming home!
Your sons are coming from distant lands;
your little daughters will be carried home.
⁵ Your eyes will shine,
and your heart will thrill with joy,for merchants from around the world will come to you.
They will bring you the wealth of many lands.
⁶ Vast caravans of camels will converge on you,
the camels of Midian and Ephah.
The people of Sheba will bring gold and frankincense
and will come worshiping the Lord.

 

 

this gives me chills everytime i read it. its just such a picture of how i want this year to look for me. i want my friends so badly to come home. I want them to feel this unspeakable Joy i get from following the Lord. reading this passage gives me hope to be a light for my friends, the people around me, strangers. a light that only God can give me, so that they might have the opportunity to come home.

 

as promised:

Fieldstone Food Pantry is ran by an incredible woman named Kim Schwenk you can email her kschwenk09@gmail.com and she can give you all the inforamation you need to help out.

a true Christmas Gift

Hey Everyone, I'm so sorry i havent wrote in so long. This month has been jammed packed with just fellowship with friends, seeing family, white elephant parties, pitch perfect, exams, winter VT graduations, and the celebration of Jesus. I hope ya'll have had an amazing Christmas and really enjoyed time with family, and close friends. I love Christmas time but im not reallly about setting up all the decorations and stuff for it. I like the spirit of Christmas, i love to give gifts and see how willing other poeple are to give. But as for setting up the tree... i aint about that life. hahahahaha i'm sure i will be when i get older but after i found out santa wasnt real i was basically scarred for life because i was def. that kid. The kid who is determined santa was real. and balled my eyes out when i found out he wasnt. So after that i wasnt really into Christmas as much as i used to be. okay now rereading that it sounds awful.... im not like the grinch or anything i just like seeing the final product of the tree instead of helping out before. does that make sense? i hope so lolz.

About two weeks ago i wrote about how my walk with the Lord has reached it two year mark. I wrote about how my life was at this point and now its at this point. I didnt really go into much detail about why i was there in the beginning or why i felt so lost, but that is for other posts i promise (: however after writing that it made me think about alot of things. i finally came to realization that i am in a dry season with the Lord. which kind of stinks because i was in such a high, fruitful season before. This month its been hard because some of the things i wrote about how i was before i met Christ i kind of feel like im right back to those. For example, trying to seek affirmation from others instead of the Father, or just trying to do things on my own, according to my plan instead of his. I also struggle with new things, like my future, where the hawk im going  to be next year, what im going to be doing. Who my roommate is going to be COMMUNITY SHOWERS (YUCK, so gross, so scared)... seriously freaking about those things hahahah. And to be honest its frusterating. Its like why havent i learned by now. Why do i keep going in circles instead of going forward!

and in the end i think it has come to the point where in my head i feel like i have to change myself. i have to figure out God's plan for me on my own. i also correlate how many quiet times, or how many times ive journaled in a week to how good my realtionship with the Lord is.

and if im being honest i think alot of us can relate to that. whether or not were following the Lord we all have this unobtainable image in our heads of who we should be and its literally this perfect image we can never live up to. and because of how imperfect i am i am ashamed to come to the foot of the cross because of how filthy im made because of my sin.

so i started praying about this. just kind of in the mind set of i know i need to do this reguardless of if i want to or not.. instead of coming to his feet because i want to be there and i want to be filled again. i was just like Lord, im sorry. Im sorry for how filthy i am, im sorry i keep making the same mistakes everyday. im sorry for over looking you and find worth in other things. and you know i would feel great right after them until i messed up again. like when i just backed talk my parents, or just had the attitude of screw this. you know what im sayin? and so this was just kind of like an on going thing. until one day it just  kind of hit me. Like recently, this week recently. Jesus was born this week, a long long time ago in that manger. and because of his life i no longer have walk in darkness. i no longer have to feel the way ive been feeling for a while. he was born so i no longer have to keep trying to earn his forgiveness, because that day in the manger a long long time ago. you and i have been given the opportunity to be forgiven because when Jesus grew up he died for our sins and we no longer have to earn his forgiveness because he gives it to us. the question i had to ask myself was if i was willing to accept his gift. the ultimate Christmas gift. in this gift not only do i find forgiveness, but life, and worth, and joy, and freedom. Because of this gift i can come to the cross digustingly dirty. and be cleaned. because when we change our mind set from being set on doing good things for Him to believing in Him. he will change us. he will change our motives, and he will show us the way to live.

will you be willing to accept Jesus' gift to you?

two years: its been so worth it

today is special. two years ago today is when everything changed for me. 730 days ago my life was turned upside down by a God who has much bigger plans for me than i could possibly imagine. Two years ago i started walking with the Lord, and since then my life has been forever changed.

Two years ago if you would have told me i would have been walking with the the Lord i probably would have laughed at you and said yeah right. Thanks but no thanks, I probably would have told you the Lord wasnt real, and that believing in Him was stupid, and a waste of time. I was a girl who was super insecure, always trying to fit in, but still trying to prove im different (if that makes sense). self centered. always pointing the conversation back to myself. severly broken by the power of sin, always seeking affirmation from the people around me, and finding my worth in what others thought of me. i would get close to people (relationship wise) but not close enough to be real, and really let them know who i am. and to be honest thats just a few things the list could go alot longer.

I was really lost. but some how because of how my friends loved me so deeply reguardless of how i treated them. i know thats how Christ is there for me. My friends kept showing up and loving me for who i was. No matter what. There were times when i treated the people i loved the most really really badly, but through all of that they were still there. Because of my friends i knew that is how Christ loves me, that is how Christ will continue to show up in my life and forgive me even when i dont deserve it. The list i said above no longer matters because the Lord looks at me and says iyou are forgiven, and i love you.

Today i look back on the past two years and i know that the Lord is real. i see Him working in kids lives every single day. i see him working in my own heart. even after two years i feel like a baby in my faith i have so much to learn, but through the time i have been following the Lord i can say that because of Him i am a changed person. and i would not be living my life any other way. i still struggle alot, i still have bad days, and dry seasons, but at the end of the day my worth is no longer found in those things, i no longer have to go through these days alone.

Two years ago this is who i was:
I was a girl who was super insecure, always trying to fit in, but still trying to prove im different (if that makes sense). self centered. always pointing the conversation back to myself. severly broken by the power of sin, always seeking affirmation from the people around me, and finding my worth in what others thought of me. i would get close to people (relationship wise) but not close enough to be real, and really let them know who i am.

This is who i am now:
I am found in Christ. i am no longer searching for something will fill me because i have found Someone who fills my life everyday. I have adventure. I am no longer lost in the crowd but found in Him. I am loved, and forgiven with no strings attached.

 if you ever want to learn more about my story i would love to tell you please dont hesitate to ask.

...

Baby brooklyn comes home in TWO DAYS. such a miracle. 

blog post from a dear friend

this is is a guest post from one of my best friends. we met this summer at work crew  and i am just so encouraged by her on a daily basis. Alyssa is one of those people that lives life in such a way that you want to be around her all the time. The way she genuinely cares for her friends and intently listens to them just brings people to Jesus feet. This year Lyssa will be placed at a high school in Ohio as a young life leader and i cannot wait to witness the way the Lord is going to work through her and bring teenagers to Him. The plans the Lord has planned for her are huge and i am just so lucky to be a witness to it. But anyways here's Alyssa everyone (:

Hi, I’m Alyssa, one of Hailey’s friends from Work Crew. She asked me a while ago to write something for her blog and sadly I thought it was a joke. But she was serious and said that she felt that I had something to say. Hmmm…what? I didn’t even know I had something to say, but I trust her so I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it some more. I then prayed a little, but just wasn’t feeling the Lord talking to me, telling me what I needed to say. So honestly, I just kept putting it off until I would hopefully feel Him telling me what to write. I kept questioning Him when that moment will be. When will I be told what to do?

I suppose that that is something I struggle with constantly, not feeling the Lord’s presence and not hearing His advice to me. All through high school I waited and waited for His response to my questions. I was stubborn and I wanted to challenge Him and force Him to answer, because that what the Lord does, He answers prayers right? So of course I was not getting what I wanted. Even today I struggle with that. I am always finding a way to challenge God to answer me and to get what I want. These I call my ruts. When I wasn’t getting what I asked for from God I would go in to a rut. These ruts caused my view of God to be skewed and single-blinded. I continually relapsed into these when I felt the Lord drifting further and further away from me. And I wanted everything to put me back right next to Him; however I wanted God to do it for me.

But thankfully the Lord does answer prayers and thankfully again, he does on his own time.  I was reading my bible when I came across these verses that hit me hard:

Proverbs 3:5-12

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Honor the Lord with all your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

This right here is all I need! But it requires me to work at it. A relationship isn’t only one person it’s two! Two need to work at it to improve it, fix it, and perfect it. I despised the Lord’s discipline when I should have been accepting it and acting on it. He’s telling me that he challenges and disciplines me because he loves me. He wants me to grow closer to him through my weaknesses. So now whenever I feel as though I am drifting away from the Father, I just need to remember that He loves me and is not drifting away but He is giving me the opportunity to get closer to Him.

If you ever feel as though you are not as close to God as you should be or that you are drifting away from Him, remember that that is your opportunity to join Him and to better your relationship with Him. But you have to first recognize that you are not a part of that relationship and that you need to do something about it. So are you ready to get closer to God or do you need to start that relationship? I am proof that he does answer those prays because not only did the Lord help me find what I needed to say but he helped me fix something in my heart. He helped to rid me of these ruts that prevented me from growing closer the Him.

no i wont give up.

Hey friends (: i feel like im posting alot this month... which i totally love. this week has been going awesome. as i sit here i just look on the past few weeks i am just in complete awe of the huge things the Lord is doing.  you know in previous posts ive been having little pitty parties for myself about how this year hasnt been going like i had plan. and to be honest i am so thankful it isnt going as planned because honestly how boring would it be if life was exactly as we thought it would be? i am also so thankful the Lord has such a bigger plan than my own and His always seems to prevail over mine. lols.

well right now i am in a great place. i love the place i am with the Lord its one of those rare moments that everything is going so good and you just really get it, you know what im sayin? you can just see Him working so evidently in your life and others. and i love that. i look back on previous blog entries and in my journal and i see where i was, i still feel a little pinch of the pain that i felt deep in my heart but now looking back i just get to see how the Lord held me in His hands and just carried me through those times. and i honestly just love that. i have been praying and praying for blacksburg high school and the kids in it, the upper and lower classmen, my friends. and i got to a point where i was just like common Lord! these kids need you so badly. they need you Lord. and it breaks my heart to just see these kids hurting. it breaks my heart to just see them walking into things that arent going to work. i just want them to know Jesus. i just want them to know how much they are loved. so i continue to pray. i wont give up on this school. i wont give up because times like these where i see how much the Lord has been working and i have been so blind to it. it gives me so much hope. it gives me so much strength because i know the Lords plans are so much bigger than mine. His time is so much better than mine. i know that i am here for a reason and right now and i am blind to it  but the Lord will guide me through this.

we are all going through seasons in life. right now it might be crappy. it might be awesome or it might just be plain and boring. but through these season i just encourage you to depend on the Lord through all of it. just lean on him through the rough times, the great times, the normal times. pray for your friends, your co workers, your family. dont give up. even though sometimes i know it feels like its not working. i promise you the Lord is working. all the time. and when you finally get to see that all your praying paid off it will be so worth it. it will be such a gift to you from the Lord.


dont give up. dont give in. keep fighting for your friends, and family. keep showing up and loving them. because the Lord is proabably using you in huge ways and you dont even know it.

sweet sweet Porth family

im home from iowa!! so if you were planning on breaking into the house.... too late. just kitten wit yew rite meow (:  also i braided my hair yesterday while it was still wet and i took it out last night and it just looked so pretty and i was super bummed when i woke up this morning thinking it would still be a mess but IT LOOKS THE SAME!!!! yeyeeee, i just really love that when that happens hahahahaha. #longhairdontcare

These past few days have been amazing. It started out kind of frusterating because we got our flight cancelled and all but that ended up going great. and then we just headed out the next day. We got there way past my bedtime and i am so lucky i was still energized to just keep my eyes open lols. but it was just a quick hello and embrace for a few min and then we headed off to my cousin Lindsie's  first new house!! (: Lindsie has this amazing gift of hospitality. From the moment we got there she served us in every way she could in such an indirect way. She loves her family so much and you can just see that in all her actions. Recently she just got married to an amazing guy that brings a smile to her face every time his name comes up. So getting to see her in such a great place is so awesome and just kind of warms your heart you know? (: i am just so happy she found such a great guy because she deserves it. (i cannot wait to get married one day #ahjeez #ijustlovefairytales #therealkind)

So while i was there i was telling everyone i normally dont sleep in and i was like oh i will just wake up early do my quiet time and then get on with my day like usual.... WELL OF COURSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED! i slept in everyday! okay seriously i normally wake up at 7:30, it was the weirdest thing ever. but after waking up every morning we all headed to my aunt and uncles house that is about a fourth of a mile down the road in our pjs for coffee and breakfast. okay this whole trip was my favorite but one of my extra favorite times was breakfast when we all were just together talking and drinking coffee (cept i drank water im not much of a coffee drinker lols) i loved this time and i wish that we had the time to do this every single day not with just our family but our friends. Just hanging out in our pjs and talking about life. I think so many times our conversations consists of long text messages, facebook chats, and just surfacy talk. I want to have conversations that matter. Face to face enjoying each others company, no more of the cyber chat. I would love to live in an age when people still write letters, the internet still had google plus and skype, but no text messaging, also cell phones would just be the old flip phones no internet. ah its just every once in a while i get a glimpse of that and that was in these past few days i got to see that. Of course we all had our electronics but it wasnt the main focus. and i loved that.

(some of you probably reading this are like what the hawk hailey you def text all the time and use the internet. and ill admit i am one of those pople with the long text messages and surfacy conversation on faccebook. i just wish it didnt have to be like that. you know?)

thanksgiving was amazing the food was awesome and family was great. i keep trying to put it into words but i cant. the emmense amount of love, and sense of unity as a family was undescribeable. i hope each and every one of you had an amazing thanksgiving. and got to spend quality time with the people that mean the most to you. i hope you found rest in the Lord and just saw his mighty power working through your family. As we go back to school, college, work, anything lets not forget that this season of thanksgiving and family doesnt just have to be when we take off for holiday breaks, but it can be every single day.

ill load some pics and stuff later (:  and if you want to watch two great movies i saw this week A. the green mile (super intense) and b. something borrowed (total chick flick)

also one last thing (: (: (: (: yesterday i found out my best friend Becca got engaged!!!!!! i am so so so pumped for her and i am so excited to walk through this season with her as she prepares for a wedding. lots of prayers go out to her in isaac as they start this new adventure in life. i am so excited for them!!!!
(you can follow isaacs blog here.)

#happythanksgiving!

Hey everyone! As of right now im sitting in the airport about to go to IOWA!!! wohooo!! #sopumped #cantwait we actually were supposed to head out yesterday but since we are flying out of roanoke who knows what time we will actually get out of here.... I have lived in blacksburg for 7 years now and have never gotten out on a flight in roanoke airport on time #justmyluck but as of right now we are waiting for our plane which is in route! #goteam My mom also had us here at 3:30.... our plane doesnt arrive till 6. Weve been here for a while. lolololololol but since my flight got cancelled i had a nice day on the town and got to spend some time with some great friends. mad shout out to kenley! we went to panera for lunch... if you havent been to panera recently you need to go because they now serve a "big kid" mac and cheese... ya'll its amazing. but it was so sweet to just spend time with her and just catch up after a crazy weekend at rockbridge. (:

but i hope everyone is preparing to eat there faces off for Thanksgiving! and get pumped for black friday #imscared but anyways a few things i wanted to share with you guys this thanksgiving dont forget to look around the table and be thankful for whos sitting around you. one thing that happens to me is a get so caught up in the food of thanksgiving and forget to be thankful for all the things i am blessed with. Esp. my family, and my friends. this year i want to get caught up in the moment of who i am surrounded by. I want to get a glimpse of how blessed i am. I want time to slow down a little so i can enjoy the moment and not be preparing for the next. you know? 

another thing i wanted to say thank you to ya'll reading this. I am so blessed to have people supporting me as i share my heart about where i am. Alot of times i feel like im doing more complaining then anything and alot more times i think that my writing doesnt even makes sense. Thank you so much for the emails, the texts, the comments, and just coming up to me and telling me how much this blog is helping you. it is seriously so encouraging and i hope the blog is doing the same for you. i am so thankful for each and every one of you. not only do i have this incredible family sitting around me right now at this roanoke airport, but i have you. I have these incredble people walkng through life with me and supporting me and i am so blessed. ya'll are very special to me and to the Lord. I am so thankful to be walking through this with you.

Love you guys, Happy thanksgiving (:
I'll post after i get home from iowa, #putthecellphonesandcomputersaway #butseriously #spendtimewiththefam #youhaveeverydayforyourcellphones #afewdayswiththepeoplethatmeanthemost

#MYFLIGHTSHERE #GOTIME #SOHYPED

(i have this strange obbsession with hash tags #sorrynotsorry)

found the webcam #obbsessed

 

 

gennas reading a book #firsttimeever

 

hahahahahahaha

 

 

does it look like im raising my eyebrow?